


Precipitately Blue

by BBirdy



Series: Torrential Blue [7]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alpha Sokka (Avatar), Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Denial of Feelings, F/M, Feelings, Feelings Realization, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Introspection, M/M, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, Omega Zuko (Avatar), Past Sokka/Yue (Avatar), Protective Sokka (Avatar), Zuko is an Awkward Turtleduck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-13 15:22:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29528424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BBirdy/pseuds/BBirdy
Summary: Sokka sat stalk straight. Zuko stared daggers into him."You, uh, you saved us," Sokka realized. "While we got everybody evacuated from the temple, into the airship. You took on that fleet by yourself.""So?""A fleet, by yourself," Sokka was still numb as he spoke.Zuko's blank expression grew more impatient, waiting for him to get to the point."Thank you." Sokka smiled weakly. He didn't love Zuko. He couldn't. This wasn't love... was it?
Relationships: Sokka/Suki (Avatar), Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)
Series: Torrential Blue [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2028164
Comments: 67
Kudos: 224





	1. Chapter One

Sokka had never really known what it meant when people said they felt like they were floating. Sitting with his sister, his father, and Suki's hand curled around his, he was starting to get it. 

Sharing daring adventures over what felt like the first good meal he'd had in days Sokka spoke wildly. The night stretched on. 

Whenever eyes weren't on them Suki pressed quick kisses to his cheek, his hand, even one proper kiss at their second pass round the warm dinner pot. 

Arms around his neck she smiled up at him. "Sokka?"

"Hm?" he looked back down, holding their bowls in either hand. 

Hand underneath his chin she pulled him into a proper kiss. Warm and comforting and everything he'd wanted since leaving her at serpent's pass. 

Arms turning to jelly he sunk into it, wanting his senses to be overwhelmed, lost in the reality that was Suki. 

It was… nice.

Sokka pulled back first. Pressing his forehead to hers he caught movement out of the corner of his eye. 

Clean, back in his own clothing and hair still damp at his neck, Zuko tried to stay out of sight. 

"Zuko!" Sokka held out the bowl. "Come for dinner?"

Suki's arms slid from around his neck, kissing his cheek once more before going to take her seat. 

It wasn't until later that Sokka realized how little he'd noticed. 

"Yeah," Zuko kept his head down. 

Deep down Sokka felt… guilty. Guilty? Why? Was it because Zuko had seen him kiss Suki? 

Guts twisting he realized he'd hit the nail on the head. 

But why would he need to feel guilty about that? Suki was his girlfriend. Sure it wasn't an official title, he'd have to ask that later. 

Shaking himself back to reality Sokka held out the bowl. 

Zuko only grunted his thanks, going to sneak back to his rooms. 

"You won't stay?"

Pausing, hesitating only a moment, Zuko shook his head. "I'm tired. I'm sure you tell the story just fine."

Unable to keep from pouting, Sokka cut him off, walking backward in front of him as Zuko stayed on his steady pace toward the hallway. 

"Come on, Zuko, there are parts I don't know. Like how long did it actually take to get the cooler unhooked? What did the warden say when you first ran into him? Or I guess, it's more accurate to say he ran into you. What happened to hold you up from the last escape? I didn't even ask."

With every question Zuko's face screwed even tighter. 

"In order, it took about fifteen minutes to get the bolts off. I lived on a ship. It was easy. The warden knew who I was from the first minute he saw me. It was he who sent for my sister, who I'll remind you, nearly killed you. And the reason it took me so long is because the warden is my ex-girlfriend's uncle and she was pissed I broke up with her to come here."

It was the most Sokka had ever heard Zuko say in one go. And the most dangerous he'd ever seen him either. 

Pissed and breathing fire in full plated armor had nothing to this quiet muttering speech. 

"Now can I go to bed?"

"Y-yeah," Sokka stuttered, getting out of the way. "Goodnight?"

His only answer was a non-committal wave backward. 

Stood in the opening to the hallway he watched Zuko stalk away. 

Only ever more layers to the puzzle of Zuko. 

He'd sworn to protect him. But that didn't stop the guilt. Zuko had faced his girlfriend, his ex girlfriend, who hated him. No wonder he was so torn up. If Suki ever felt that way about him, it didn't bear thinking about. 

And to get into that situation he'd had to face the warden, a terrifying old man who would have known enough to send for the firelord. It was a miracle it was only Azula who had shown up. 

And Zuko had told him, himself, that Azula's almost hurting Sokka had rocked Zuko to the core. Whether that was worry for ruining his reputation with Aang, omega instincts or… more. It was impossible to say. 

And none of that all would have happened if Sokka had kept on his guard and not let Zuko be caught. 

Guilt eating away at him Sokka wandered back to the group. "Ship…" he muttered. 

"What?" Katara asked, looking up from the flames, a smile from the last joke still stuck at the corner of her mouth. 

Sokka blinked himself awake, settling back in his spot next to Suki. "I was just thinking about fire nation ships," he admitted. "We came back here on the warship and it's massive, but it only needed a few people to really kept running, at least for the distance we went."

Suki leaned against him, smiling. "Trying to think of more wild inventions?"

"Not really," Sokka tried to think how to phrase it. "I mean, the ship we were on, the navy ship needed way more manpower right? We were only on it for a month. How was living on the sea, dad?"

He pulled a face that only set Katara off laughing. 

"Terrible," Hakoda said instantly. "Just terrible. Spending months on months just sailing was the oddest mix of monotonous and exhausting. Especially being in charge of the ship. There was never anything to do but those were the good parts. When there was something to do that meant something was wrong and I had a million questions to answer all at once. I may sound like a traitor to my own nation when I say there were days I never wanted to see water again." He tilted his bowl back, swallowing his last mouthful. 

Katara took the empty dish, rolling her eyes good-naturedly.

"But," Hakoda, cut in. "I would prefer every moment in the water tribe boats to any loud smoking fire nation ship."

"If it isn't for a new invention then why do you ask?" Suki probed.

"No reason really," Sokka kissed her cheek this time. 

She eased, laying her head on his shoulder.  
  


* * *

  
Could it really have been less than a day? 

Sokka's racing pulse reminded him it really had been so little time ince he'd been lying in bed, relaxing after the fire died down, feeling the world righting itself around him before there were more explosions. 

Air whipping through his hair, Sokka braced himself on the edge of Appa's saddle, Suki pressed into one shoulder and his other hand tight around Zuko's wrist. He hardly dared let go. 

Besides the fact, Zuko had hardly even been atop Appa during long travel before there was something else underneath the surface. 

Trying to pinpoint it he stared absently at Zuko. 

"What?"

His voice only just carried over the wind. 

Sokka sat stalk straight. Zuko stared daggers into him. 

"You, uh, you saved us," Sokka realized. "While we got everybody evacuated from the temple, into the airship. You took on that fleet by yourself."

"So?"

"A fleet, by yourself," Sokka was still numb as he spoke. 

Zuko's blank expression grew more impatient, waiting for him to get to the point. 

"Thank you."

Zuko pulled away, sitting beside Toph. 

Had he done something wrong?

Gnawing at his cheek, Zuko wound his fingers through Suki's as they flew. 

Near Appa's head, Katara leaned forward to talk to Aang, voices carried away by the wind. They at least seemed to decide to land sometime before dinner time. They hadn't had any time to gather more than the clothes on their back and whatever had already been in their bags. 

Sokka for one did not appreciate having to get dressed in midair again. He hadn't appreciated it in the first leg of their journey and it wasn't something he ever wanted to have to do again. 

"We're going to have to find somewhere stable until the invasion," Katara called to Aang. 

Wind slowing around them, they started a slow descent blow the clouds. 

"I know," Aang brushed the top of Appa's fuzzy head. "For now we just need to find somewhere for Appa to get some rest. He's not used to carrying so many people for so long."

"You think we're far enough away?" Zuko scanned the empty air around them, expecting his sister to drop from the clouds around them at any moment. 

On edge by his words, Sokka followed suit, squinting into the distance at a dark blip. It moved too quickly to be the warship. Probably a bird, though it was too far to be sure. 

Suki squeezed his hand reassuringly. 

His smile didn't exactly live up to expectations. 

"We're going to have to be," Aang landed on the crest of a hill. The rocky cliffside was entirely abandoned, now town in the visible distance, though Zuko asked Toph just to be sure. 

"Let me get down at least," she groused. 

Zuko frowned but took her hand and helped her to the dirt where Appa had graciously collapsed. 

Stretching slowly Toph closed her eyes and tilted her head. "Nothing so far as I can see, though I thought we were more worried about sky attacks."

"We've been traveling the full day," Katara had already begun to gather rocks and sticks, kneeling in a dirt patch to start a fire. "She won't find us."

"You don't know my sister," Zuko mumbled, though Sokka was sure he was the only one who had heard. 

Gathering the stray sheets they had managed to recover Sokka helped Suki put up tents. He couldn't, however, keep his eyes off Zuko. 

He hand't seen the fight, either helping the others escape or lost in clouds. He knew Zuko had stood up to his sister, must have fought her atop of the giant airships miles above the rocky chasm above which the temple had hung. The idea of Zuko free falling there twisted his gut. He'd only just managed to snatch Zuko out of the air. The urge to wrap Zuko in a tight hug the moment he'd landed atop Appa's saddle still radiated up his arms. 

And yet Zuko had, without any hesitation, flown into battle with his sister. 

Why did the idea bother him so much?

"Sokka!" Suki's hand reached into his line of sight, calling his attention back. "Hm?" Sokka looked down, realizing he'd been clinging to a sheet she'd been moving for at least a full minute. 

Letting it go she cradled his cheek in her hand. "Is everything okay? Your mind has been somewhere else all day."

He couldn't speak. How on earth could he tell his girlfriend that he'd been thinking about a boy all day? How would she take it. 

Had he even asked her to be his girlfriend yet? He didn't think he had. 

"I, um," he stumbled over his words. 

The guilt in his face must have been as easy to read as a word on a page. Breaking into an understanding smile she stood on her tiptoes to kiss him.   
  
"Stop worrying. Azula finding us was not your fault. You had no idea he would follow us, or even how she followed us. We're all still safe, or at least in one piece. Your father will make sure everyone else keeps their heads down."

He hadn't even been remotely close to thinking about that. The realization only drove home Sokka's guilt. But, in whatever weak attempt he could make, managed a smile. "Sorry. I tend to get lost in my own head."

"Well, come back to me," she kissed his cheek, gathering the sheet to shake out the dust. 

Taking her moment of distraction, Sokka glanced over his shoulder. 

At the ring of sticks and stones, Zuko knelt across from Katara as she struggled with two stones, doing her best to ignite sparks. 

"Let me," Zuko knelt, igniting the wood with the tip of his finger. 

Tiny sparks, hardly larger than a walnut, pulsing like a little heart. 

Katara said nothing, or perhaps Sokka couldn't hear over the thrumming of his heart. 

"I'll get the tea started," Zuko offered, still in that low steady voice. 

"Fine," Katara stood, stalking away. 

Sokka for his part, took no notice of her icy exterior. 

"Can I get a hand?" Suki called impatiently. 

Wrenching his attention back Sokka helped get the last of the tents up. 

With the sun crawling ever closer to the horizon, Sokka finally dropped beside the fire. He forgot how exhausting flying on a several-ton bison for hours at a time was. 

"Sokka?"

The voice was not the one expected. 

Still, Sokka bolted upright, whirling around to face Zuko. "What? Hi, I mean, um, what's up?" he did his best to keep his voice casual. 

"Can we talk a minute?"

Stood a few feet away Zuko was shifting foot to foot, not meeting Sokka's eyes. 

"Yeah," Sokka hopped up without hesitation. 

Zuko lead the way to the other side of a large boulder, out of sight of the others. He still would not look up. Arms crossed tightly over his chest he unclipped his stiff jaw. "I just wanted to apologize."

"Apologize?" Sokka blinked several times. "For what?"

"Being rude earlier, when we were flying."

Scrolling quickly through their conversations over the last day Sokka couldn't pinpoint anything. Deciding to pretend to know what Zuko was talking about he nodded. "Um, yeah, don't worry about it."

Shoulders pressed up against his ears Zuko began to stumble over his words. "It's only, I mean, your dad talked to me and Suki might have mentioned- only that, I don't mean to be- just, with everything that happened with Mai and seeing you and Suki so close-"

"Oh!" Sokka lit up, realizing. "Look, I know you and your girlfriend talked back at the prison. I assumed as much. If seeing me with Suki is uncomfortable we can tone down the PDA," he rubbed the back of his neck, a little embarrassed himself. "You had to leave the girl you love behind, and I get to flaunt everything in front of you. I'm really the one being rude."

Zuko opened his mouth, closed it, and took a step back. "Yeah, that."

Happy he'd sussed out what had Zuko so tense Sokka put a hand on his shoulder. "Look, I may not be the relationship expert of the world but if there's ever anything you want to get off your chest my ears are always open. All you have to do is ask. We're friends." He made a point of emphasizing the last word. No matter how ardently Zuko protested it, he was determined to drive the word home. 

Zuko would not be pulling away. 

With a flat smile, Zuko nodded once. "Right, thanks," he turned on his heel and vanished from view. 

Watching him go Sokka felt what guilt he thought would vanish settling back against his sternum like a stone settling in a lake. What was  _ wrong _ with him?

Lips pursed he felt the idea spark. Smiling brightly he went back to the fire with a proper idea on the tip of his tongue. 

Sat next to Suki once more he waited as the sun set, the smell of dinner wafting over them. 

Aang looked up at the stars, content. he said something about camping, with Sokka couldn't hear over the buzzing in his ears. He could feel the grin threatening to break at the corners of his mouth. Up on his knees, he lifted his cup. 

"To Zuko," he tried to catch his evasive gaze. "Who knew after all those times he tried to snuff us out, today he'd be our hero?"

Maybe not the best delivery but-

And Zuko was smiling, actually smiling. 

Warmth flooded Sokka's chest. He liked that smile. 

"I'm touched," Zuko spoke softly, only just loud enough to hear. 

Only for the smile to fall. 

"I don't deserve this."

_ No _ , Sokka groaned internally. No. Why couldn't he be happy? Why couldn't he recognize how much they loved- cared about him. 

Where had  _ that _ come from?

He didn't love Zuko. 

They were friends. That was all.

Heart thudding in his ears he watched Katara pick herself off the ground, stalking away. 

"What's with her?" Sokka asked, afraid he'd missed over the sound of his own thoughts. 

"I wish I knew," Zuko got up, following after. 

"What's with him?" Sokka craned his neck, trying to watch his sister's trek to the edge of the cliffs. He quickly lost sight of the pair past the rocks. 

He wanted to follow, but couldn't make his legs move. 

Sokka sunk back. Scooting close to Suki he tried to drown his loud mind, taking her hand. It didn't help. 

Why had he thought… 

He didn't love Zuko. He didn't. 

Well, maybe in a brotherly kind of way? He did want to keep him safe, the same way he did with Katara. 

Face scrunched in thought he tried to organize messy feelings. Lining Katara and Zuko up together on his emotional scale he found the levels incomparable. It wasn't the same. His care for Katara was one of time spent, of life, invested, knowing all the moments they shared and pain they'd gone through. 

Zuko was different. 

Lov-  _ caring _ about him was new and warm. Trying to pinpoint him was like trying to hold a flame in his palm. Not something he could do. 

The poetic part of him tried to find something to explain, something to quantify. 

But the way he felt about Zuko was familiar. It was just who-   
"We're finally alone," Suki whispered into his ear. 

Wrenched from his thoughts he glanced over to both Aang and Toph, still talking contentedly on the other side of the fire. "Uh, no we're not."

She rolled her eyes goodnaturedly. "Okay, maybe not right, now. But later we could be."

Batting her eyelashes Sokka took a full beat to gather what was being implied. Cheeks heating wildly he cleared his throat. "Did you, um, want to do anything later?" his voice cracked.

Suppressing a giggle Suki drew him in for another soft kiss. "I'll be by, after everyone's gone to bed."

"Okay," he grinned a cracked crooked grin. 

Standing the placed yet another kiss on his cheek. "See you later."

Chin in his hand, Sokka watched her saunter away, heart thudding in his ears. 

Was he really going to do this?

Did he want to?

"I'm really tired," Sokka lied quickly, faking a yawn. "I'm just going to, um, turn in, goodnight!" He couldn't stop the crack in his voice, vanishing form the campfire. 

Toph didn't have to feel his lie to know it. Face pinched she decided she might sleep on Appa tonight.   
  


* * *

  
Sokka snuck away, sitting underneath the moon at the mouth of his tent for a long while. 

"I thought I knew what love felt like," he whispered, unsure who exactly he was talking to. 

It couldn't just be himself. 

Lifting his gaze to the silvery light above he could feel the emotion catching in his chest. "With you," he finished his thought almost as a whisper. 

Yue. 

He'd adored her from the first moment he'd laid eyes on her. 

It wasn't just that she was the most beautiful creature under the sky, or that she seemed so capable, brave, unruffled by anything. It was like could sense something about her. 

"You were an omega," Sokka realized quietly. 

The moon had no answer for him. 

"We never had to share a heat for me to feel that, to want to keep you safe. It wasn't just that, I know it wasn't. I wasn't close enough to know. You never even told me, I never thought to ask."

Sokka rubbed his head. 

Even past the ache in his heart, the hurt of losing her, even now, he remembered the love. 

Yue was the first person he knew, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that he loved. 

Face in his hands, heels of his palms pressed into his eyes, Sokka sighed. "What do I do, what do I feel? How am I supposed to know anymore?"

Restlessness fueled his veins. Turning on his heel he went back into his small makeshift tent. 

"Zuko isn't like Yue," he stated the obvious, digging through his things. 

Grabbing flowers, things collected from around the campsite, he laid out his sleeping mat. 

"Not just in the obvious ways," he rolled his eyes, as if judging someone else's argument and not his own. "She was quiet and royal and-" he paused. 

Zuko was those things. Quiet. And a prince. 

"Not like that. I mean the way I feel, felt about her. It was different. Yue wasn't a bender. I was  _ asked _ to protect her. Well, I would've protected her anyway, but she needed it. Zuko can hold his own. And it's not just the physical way of protecting. Zuko is… he's hurting on the inside."

The realization drew him up short. 

Sokka knew he wasn't wrong. 

But why did he know that?

As he'd talked to himself he'd cleaned up the tent, lighting a few candles as the light outside grew ever darker. 

"He doesn't matter right now," Sokka removed his ponytail, tossing it into his bag. "Well, it's not that he doesn't matter. It's just- Suki."

Gathering himself he grabbed the nicest rose. 

"Suki," he reminded himself. 

He loved Suki. 

Why did it feel like he was trying to convince himself of that fact? 

Keyed up, strung out, and a wild excitement bubbling he positioned himself on the sleeping mat. 

Loving Suki was different too. She was a proper partner, someone he knew he could rely on. She could hold her own in wits, in battle. She didn't need him to be an alpha. She just needed him to be Sokka. 

That was a good thing… right?

Rose between his teeth he took a deep breath. He was about to find out. 

Lying on his stomach he heard the tent flap open. Dailing all his charm up to eleven he bat his eyelashes. "Well, hello-"

But it wasn't Suki. 

"Uh, Zuko?"


	2. Chapter Two

Somber, quiet and head bowed, Zuko listened to the story unfolding, listening to what made Sokka… Sokka. 

Then the detail, the thing he needed to put this right, or as right as he could. 

"Sea Ravens."

"The symbol of the southern raiders," Zuko nodded, going to leave. "Thanks, Sokka."

"No problem!" Sokka was almost too chipper, pushing him out of the tent. "Thanks for stopping by!"

Just outside Zuko crossed his arms over his chest, hating the weight there. Taking a moment to gather himself he let out a soft breath. 

He'd hardly made it more than a few inches when he heard the flap of the tent. 

Turning back he found Sokka's head, framed by the tarp, grinning excitedly. "Suki!" his whisper died as he saw Zuko. 

His glittering grin melted into something more sheepish and he vanished inside the tent. 

"Oh," Zuko mumbled. 

He shouldn't be surprised, not really. It made sense. Sokka had a girlfriend now, a proper girlfriend. And now that they were away from adults prying eyes, as alone as they could ever hope to be. 

Still. It didn't help. 

Slinking further away Zuko placed his back firmly toward Sokka's tent. He didn't want a repeat of seeing Suki sneaking around the giant rocks. 

He walked slowly, arms still pressed around him, his own form of armor. 

"Stop," he ordered himself quietly. "You have no right to… to, he's not yours."

It was words he'd repeat to himself over and over, the moment he'd watched Sokka's face light up upon seeing Suki. 

He'd never seen Sokka so overjoyed. 

"Why would I?" Zuko picked a flatter rock, just under knee highest, and sank down. 

He could feel anger welling like a lava pit in his gut, tugging instantly. h would pay it any attention.

Zuko was done being mad. 

Lying on his back, the cool of the stone creeping into his skin. 

He lifted his hands and pressed the base of his palms into his eyes. The burst of patterns across his vision weren't the usual confusing rainbow of colors unknown. 

It was just blue. 

Sighing loudly, Zuko breathed out a large vent of black smoke. Not exactly his uncle's dragon breath. But he'd thought he'd seen sparks. 

Maybe they were just the stars filtering through. 

"Uncle," he muttered. "I need you. I need you to tell me what to think."

He hadn't appreciated the words when he'd had them. 

It just made him miss his uncle more. 

"I've made peace with it, or at least I thought I had. He'd got someone else. He can't know who I am. That's how it is. I can't change that."

That part was a lie. 

"I mean," Zuko hesitated, removing his hands to blink up at the now blurry sky. "I did try and tell him earlier. But I wasn't going to tell him I am, was Blue, only about how I feel. And he had his girlfriend. It wouldn't have been a big deal."

But wouldn't it have been?

"What did I even want out of that conversation?" he mumbled. 

Sokka's insistence on the word 'friend' had left Zuko feeling… cracked. Like Sokka had ever so carefully sliced a piece out of his insides. It left him painfully hollow. 

"There were only two options. To have him be guarded and awkward around me forever or outright rejection," Zuko reminded himself. He needed self-convincing, to prove to himself that it shouldn't have happened. 

A chittering to his left had him turning. 

Their face just cresting the rock Momo looked up at. The sounds he made almost sounded like admonishment. 

"You're up late too" he argued. 

Momo shrieked again. 

"Shh," Zuko snatched up the tiny lemur, no idea how to keep it quiet. 

Staring up at him with glassy eyes, Momo waited. 

Zuko frowned glaring at it. "What?" he muttered. "What do you want from me anyway? I'm doing my best. I'm helping the av- Aang learn firebending. I'm a traitor of the word caliber. And I'm still helping Katara. What more does he need me to be?"

The last question robbed him of his voice. 

Oh. 

"He doesn't need me to be anything else. He just doesn't want  _ me _ ," the realization felt familiar like it was something he should have known. But putting it into words only drove home the pain he'd been trying to bury. 

Zuko set momo on the ground, leaning over with his face buried in his hands. 

"But he's happy. He's happy with her. And that's good enough. It has to be good enough. And as long as he's happy, I'm the part of the equation that doesn't matter."

The knowledge settled into his veins icy cold. 

It was still painful. 

"I'll get over it. I've just got to ignore it," Zuko rubbed his forehead. "And… I'm talking to a lemur who doesn't understand me anyway."

Momo chittered up at him, blinking absently.   
  


* * *

Sat in his tent Sokka tried to take a deep breath, get himself back on track. She'd be there any minute and the last thing he wanted to do was disappoint- "Suki!" Sokka grinned up at her as she snuck inside his tent. 

Closing the flap behind her she smiled a sultry smile. "Hey, there handsome," she winked. 

A weak squeaking giggle escaped his throat. 

Crawling forward Suki slid her around his shoulders, pulling him into a long soft kiss. 

Sokka liked kissing Suki, in fact, he'd say he loved it. Pressing himself against her he nearly lifted her by her waist. Gien just enough leverage she wrapped her legs around him.

He tried to lose himself, close his eyes. 

Sokka couldn't hear his thoughts, not over the thudding in his ears. 

What was going on? Why was he freaking out? Was it supposed to feel like this?

"Sokka?" Suki's soft whisper sounded next to his ear. 

Goosebumps erupted down his spine. Leaning back, he gasped for air. How long had he been holding it?

"Sokka, are you okay?"

"I, I, um," he couldn't speak. Everything was stuck in his throat. "I think, yeah, I'm fine."

Suki pulled back, hand under his chin. Still sat on his lap she examined his glazed eyes a long moment. "What happened?"

"What do you mean what happened?" he rubbed the back of his next, frayed nerves grating down further. 

"Nothing happened," he didn't notice he was squirming out of her hold until he'd dropped Suki onto his sleeping mat. 

Gaze boring into him with an intensity only she had Sokka swallowed. "You can't lie to me, Sokka," she held her hand out to him. "But that doesn't mean I can read your mind. What's going on with you?"

Sokka dropped his face into his hands. "I'm sorry."

Smiling a little she pulled closer, sitting beside rather than atop him. "You don't have to be sorry. Just talk to me."

Sokka let out a long sigh, shoulders hunching forward. He had no idea where to start, what to say. 

"If you're not ready..." Suki began slowly, trying to lead him on. 

"It's not that," Sokka felt his gut churn. "Trust me, it's not that I'm not-"

"Sokka," Suki kissed his hand, the one she still clung to. "It's your first time. It's totally understandable that you're nervous. I am too. We can go as slow as you want."

Cheeks flooding with color Sokka hid his face. "But, it's not."

"What?"

"It's not my first time."

Suki didn't even need a full second to process. "You think that matters to me? Sokka. You're an alpha. Higher sex drives are entirely normal. I'm not insulted. It doesn't make me feel any less special if that's what you're worried about."

Sokka gnawed on his lip, still turned away from her. It should have been. Shouldn't it? He was so concerned she'd overreact he hadn't told her. "I lied to you," he whispered, thinking he'd found the source of what he had to assume was guilt. 

"Lied to me?"

"At the serpent's pass. I told you, that omega I'd met in the earth kingdom. I told you we hadn't-"

Suki placed a hand on his cheek. "Sokka. I'm not mad."

She was so understanding, so trusting, so ready to forgive. How did he deserve her? She was so far out of his league. 

And yet.

Turning back with a weak smile he tried to recover himself. "You said something being okay with taking it slow?"

"As slow as you want," she promised, making a quick cross over her chest. 

"Can we just spend the night together first?" Sokka hated asking. He was supposed to be an alpha, supposed to take charge. He was supposed to be more. 

Suki leaned forward, cutting off his train of thought.

"You don't have to justify anything to me," Suki laid down, pulling up the neckline of her shirt. 

Sat back from her Sokka could see what she was wearing now. She'd changed from her prisoner's uniform, into something borrowed from Katara probably. Comfortable, a more plunging neckline. 

She'd been ready to spend more than the night with him. The realization did little to assuage his guilt. 

"Suki?" He laid down next to her, quieter now, not sure exactly what he wanted to say, but knowing that something needed to be said. 

"Hm?" she smiled, head supported on her arm. 

"How are you so good with all of this?" The question blurted from him before he could stop himself. 

Hiding a giggle Suki kissed his cheek. "Really? That's what you're going with for pillow talk?"

"I-" Sokka squeaked in protest. 

"I'm teasing you," Suki said. 

"Oh," Sokka could feel his cheeks flushing ever darker. 

Shifting to lie on her back Suki put both arms behind her head. "I don't know. I guess it's because getting angry or jealous just doesn't seem worth it to me?"

Sokka nodded slowly. 

"It's how I was taught to be. I'm a warrior. If I can keep my head level in times of battle of high stress then keeping my head in everyday life becomes easier. And people's bodies and emotions aren't something we can control. We can only be patient and loving with them, especially when you love them in return."

Sokka's blush got even deeper down his neck. "You love me?"

"Of course I do," Suki turned back over to face him. "I love you, Sokka."

Opening his mouth to answer Sokka saved himself a response by leaning into yet another kiss. 

He loved Suki. Of course, he loved Suki. What else could this feeling be?

He'd compared his feelings to Yue and familial love and, and... Blue.

Blue.

If what he felt for Suki was love then what was what still lurked underneath his ribcage for him?

Lips still pressed to Suki's he pulled her in, mind spinning on a memory. 

He was kissing Suki. But he didn't feel her. 

Drawing back once more he dropped his forehead to her chest. 

"Sokka?"

"I love you," he said finally. 

Arms around him Suki kissed the top of his head. "Why do you sound so sad about it?" There was something of a laugh on the edge of her words, though it was overpowered by the tight fear eating away at her.

"Because I think I'm still in love with someone else."

There was no point in lying to her. 

She knew when he was lying. And truthfully she was the only one who would listen. No one knew about Blue. Only Suki and his father. And his father wasn't here now. He had to get this off his chest, had to tell someone.

"What?"  
  
"The guy I spent my rut with," his whisper grew ever more quiet.  
  
Sokka knew people. He knew Suki. He knew he was pushing the limits of her forgiveness.  
  
Running her fingers through his loose hair Suki gathered herself. She cleared her throat, pulling him close. "Tell me about him."  
  
It was his turn to be surprised. Before, when he'd mentioned his- the omega, she'd said he didn't matter, that she didn't want to know, but now- "Why do you want to know?"

"Because you said you think you love him. Talking about feelings is better than keeping them. And I want to know how you feel."

Sokka looked up her, searching for a lie in her face. "Why?"  
  
Her smile was even softer. "I'm not an omega Sokka. It's not in me to be that kind of nurturing. I was raised to be a warrior. I'm also not here to be some kind of bandage for your broken bits. I want to be a team, for us to be equal partners. And that means seeing the ugly side sometimes, the side you don't show other people."  
  
Sokka nodded slowly, dragging himself up the sleeping mat. Face to face once again he hooked a leg around hers, fingers linked. "I don't think you even have that side," he tried to joke.

This time she didn't smile. "But you have seen it. You've seen me at my lowest. I was in prison, missing the girls I grew up with. I still don't know where my team, my sisters, are. And it's my fault. I lead them into this war, instead of just protecting our village. I don't know what's happened to them either," her eyes glazed over. "Which is why I'm so grateful for you. You saved me from the boiling rock. You're letting me help stop this war once and for all. I have to, to…"  
  
"Regain your honor?" Sokka offered quietly.  
  
"Something like that," she tucked her head under his chin, taking a deep shaky breath. "So that's why, that's why I want to know about you. I want to  _ know _ you."

Touched, Sokka held onto her, keeping her head on his chest, pretending that wasn't his goal. He wanted to tell her, didn't want to see her reaction. 

"Where should I start?"  
  
"Wherever you like."  
  
He didn't want to talk, didn't want to tell her. But he did owe her his honesty. She'd been so open with him. And he trusted her with his secrets.  
  
"I've had so many people tell me that it's natural to feel this way about your first shared rut partner. But I don't know what this feeling is. I'm, we're connected, but what is that supposed to mean. It just keeps flipping back and forth. Every time I think about it I'm either at peace with the fact he's part of my past and we'll always be connected in like a cosmic sense. But then I start thinking about how that feels like I've mourned his death or something, which freaks me out. I'm supposed to be his al- his first alpha. Right? I should have protected him. So I can think about him in a past tense. But I don't even know where he is so how could I protect him?"  
  
Sokka tried to catch his breath. 

Suki didn't interrupt.

"And, and I'd be able to convince myself of that, that I don't owe him that much, it was nothing more than cling to him. I don't even know if I was his first alpha. I could walk away and let it go, just let be the memory of a dream in one night but, but it wasn't."

Suki broke her silence. "It wasn't?"  
  
"I saw him again, in Ba Sing Sae."  
  
Suki pulled away then, not repelled, not disgusted, but leaning back to take in every concerned line in Sokka's face, every ripped heartstring reflected in his face. "What was it like?"  
  
"Like, like finding a missing piece of a puzzle," Sokka laughed, hating the poetic note he could never let go of. "It felt like I'd been missing a part of me and I found it again. I know it's stupid-"

"It's not stupid," Suki assured. "That's how I felt in my cell, when you found me again. I'm sure it's what your father felt when he saw you, what your sister felt when you brought her dad back. It's a good feeling."

Sokka was shaking his head. "It's not like that. I mean, I know how you feel but it's not familial. It's like we're tied together, like seeing him was, was destiny, fated. Like I'd always find him again. And now I don't know where he is. He was in Ba Sing Sae when the fire nation invaded. He could be hurt or in prison or, or-" Sokka couldn't say it, the idea of Blue being gone ignited a panic in him he couldn't describe. 

"Sokka," Suki placed a hand on his cheek. "Breathe."

He struggled to do so, taking a slow deep breath, each hammering thud in his heart interrupting his inhale. 

"These are your two feelings around him?" Suki brushed her fingers through his hair. "Either acceptance he is no longer part of your story, or guilt that you didn't do enough for him?"  
  
Sokka opened his mouth, tried to find the right words, then closed it. He didn't have the words to describe it. It wasn't acceptance. It was closer to mourning. And guilt couldn't reach the depths of the terror he carried. He'd scared Blue away in his reaction to his firebending. Sokka had never been able to bring him food, or warn him of the impending fire nation attacks. The idea that he was even mildly harmed sent him into near hysteria. 

Without the ability to describe, he simply nodded. 

"When this is over, when we have the chance, would you want to find him?"

Sokka froze, looking deep into her eyes. "Really? You'd, that would be okay with you?"

"Of course it would be," she settled back against him. "Alphas and omegas are things that I try to know about but something I will never truly understand. And if this is something you need then I won't stop you. I'll help."

"Thank you so much," Sokka squeezed her shoulders.  
  
Quiet for a long moment, both could feel the day dragging them further into unconsciousness. 

Suki's hand still rested on his arm, having slid from where it craddled the base of his neck. 

Falling into a soft sleep Suki started giggling, somewhere in the midst of her half awake mind. 

"What?" Sokka lifted a heavy eyelid. 

"It's just, oh you're going to think I'm stupid-"

"Try me," he hummed. 

Suki pulled closer, her cheek against his chest. "When you first said that you were still in love with somebody I thought it might've been Zuko."

Sokka gaped, shocked out of his sleepy state. "What?"

"I'm pretty sure he likes you," Suki yawned. 

"No way."   
Shrugging once more, her words slurred. "He looks at you funny when you aren't paying attention. I told him to talk to you about it. I don't think he will though…"

Her words trailed off into a soft snore, leaving Sokka's heart thudding in his ears and entirely unable to sleep. 

"It 's not possible," he muttered under his breath. 

But Zuko had pulled him aside. And hadn't he talked about Suki mentioning something? 

Thoughts whirring he laid back, unable to pull his mind off of Blue, of Zuko, and how oddly similar his feelings of protection correlation between them. It must be how he would feel about most, if not all omegas. 

Too much to think about.

How was he to know what his sister would be up to the next day? How quickly his frantic mind would be distracted? How much more concern could he take before he broke?  
  


* * *

  
Glancing up toward the bison above Sokka tried to keep his mind far from the dark thoughts crawling below. Katara and Zuko off on thier own adventure. He should have come, should have fought to make them stay. At 

"Sokka?" Aang's tentative voice came from behind him. 

Adjusting his face, Sokka switched to the imitation of an easy smile. "What's up?"

"Do you think they're going to be okay?"

"Psh," Sokka scoffed, waving off the sentiment. "They're two of the most powerful benders on the planet. They'll be just fine."

"Not exactly what I meant," Aang sat down, arms between his knees, fingers clasped tightly. 

Lifting an eyebrow Sokka waited. 

Hemming and hawing for a moment Aang took a deep breath. "I just mean, they won't end up fighting will they? Zuko is our friend now and Katara can't be too mad with him… right?"

The knot he had been trying to ignore wound ever tighter in Sokka's gut. His promise to aid and protect still fresh in his mind he could feel his own guilt. "Of course not," Sokka lied. "Katara knows you need Zuko to teach you firebending and Zuko wouldn't ever hurt Katara."

Nodding miserably Aang dropped his chin into his hand. "I just hope she finds what she needs…"

Sokka rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah. Me too."

Sitting in soft silence a long moment Aang shot Sokka a sly smile. "So," he drew out the vowel to many more syllables. "Sokka. What's been going on with you lately?"

Squeak catching in his throat Sokka sat bolt upright. "With me and Zuko? Nothing, nothing at all. Everything is fine. I trust Katara. I said that already."

Eyebrow lifting only ever higher Aang spoke softer. "I never said anything about Zuko."

Face shifting only ever darker red Sokka went to stand. "Didn't you? I thought you did. Oh, well doesn't matter. I'm going back to bed, goodnight."

For not the first time Sokka cursed Aang's ability to literally fly overhead, trapping any unwilling conversationalist with that evil grin of his. "Nope, not getting out of this that easy," he grinned, speaking in a sing-song voice.

"Shhhh!" Sokka waved his arms frantically, looking back toward Suki's tent. 

Aang, self satisfied smile still plastered across his face, waited with arms behind his back. 

Dropping his face into his hand, Sokka dragged the skin to expose his pinker under eye. "Just, you can't tell anybody. Okay? No one."

"Oh, I wasn't the one to notice," Aang shrugged. "Toph says your heart rate shoots like a rocket whenever he walks into the room."

Face a brilliant pink Sokka, couldn't stop his next question. "And, um, and Zuko?"

He thought for a moment, face scrunched. "I think she said something about he 'lies better' but I don't know exactly what she means."

"Right." Sokka couldn't help but feel crestfallen. He knew he had no right to. 

"So," Aang repeated his dragging out of the word. "What is going on between you two? You were awkward when he showed up then he followed you on a crazy mission and now you don't talk anymore?"

Sokka's shoulders slumped forward. "Yeah, something like that." 

Walking with him along the outer edge of the camp Aang thought a long moment. "You two are friends right? I mean, he's teaching me. He gets along just fine with Toph and he and Suki actually seem pretty close. There's Katara but that's more personal."

"I don't know," Sokka admitted. "I thought we were. I mean, we made an awesome team at the prison. And he came to ask me about helping Katara. But I just don't know what to think. It's hard to get a read on him."

The last was more of a lie. There were moments, those moments where Zuko sat at the fire, or out of the spotlight where his expressions were more familiar to him than anyone else's had ever been. 

"It's like he wears a mask," Sokka couldn't help waxing poetic. 

Aang made a small noise under his breath. 

"What?"

"Really? He's been pretty open with me. When we went to the temple he was a pretty smiley guy."

"Zuko?" Sokka's heart rate picked up just  _ thinking _ about Zuko smiling, not those little corner lift motions caught in unknowing moments but a real smile? 

How did Sokka know how often Zuko smiled? It wasn't like he was staring. Right? He couldn't have been staring.

"Yeah," Aang grinned. "He's pretty funny sometimes too. I never really thought of it before."

Had Sokka's organs been waging war underneath his ribcage before they were hammering a war tune now. Zuko cracking jokes? Zuko laughing? The idea was like an intoxicated dream. 

"You're doing it again."

Sokka stopped dead. "Doing what?"

"Freaking out," Aang said simply. "I can't do everything Toph does but I know enough to feel your pulse pick up."

Sokka hid his face, skin almost burning. "There's no point in talking about this anyway. I'm not into him, I don't like him like that." Lies. "Besides, say I did like him for whatever reason. I'd have to get over his grumpiness, his quiet, his weird shoes, and, and you know, firebenders are still firebenders."

Stood on the crest of the hill a good distance now from camp Aang listen with utmost patience. 

"And, if I did like him which I obviously don't, I'm with Suki. I love Suki. She's the best thing to happen to me," Sokka lost his steam, arms crossed tight over his chest. "And she loves me too. I wouldn't- couldn't hurt her like that."

Taking yet another quiet moment Aang chose his words carefully. "I'm not exactly an expert on love, but I can say I'm a pretty good source on big decisions. I think, if you don't give your heart a chance, listen to it and follow it, you'll regret it for the rest of your life. If there's something you want to say to him you should."

"But… Suki…" Sokka said weakly. He could already see the wedge. She claimed ignorance of it but Sokka could, even if it only existed in his own mind. 

"Following your heart shouldn't ever have to hurt someone else," Aang looked up at the sky. "Suki will understand that. She's smart."

Sokka nodded, letting out a slow sigh. "Yeah, I… yeah. Thanks Aang."

"You're welcome," Aang said simply. 

"I'm going back to bed," Sokka glanced over his shoulder, watching the child on the top of the hill, covered in moonlight before returning to his own retrospection.  
  


* * *

  
Zuko sat back in Appa's saddle. Legs crossed he held onto the edge. Lips pressed tight, he kept his gaze determinedly off anyone else there.  
  
Sokka, howeer had other ideas. Pressing closer he spoke in low tones, only just loud enough to be heard over the rush of air. "Why did you leave her alone there? You don't know Katara like I do. She could do something stupid."  
  
"You'll know when you see her," Zuko dropped his chin in his hand. 

Ready to argue, Sokka frowned. "Where exactly did you leave her again."

"Ember Island. Fire Nation vacation spot. This time of year no one is there except for locals. She won't be recognized. It's only a few miles wide. I don't think she could get into trouble if she tried."

Sokka crossed his arms over his chest, taking Zuko in, dressed in his loose black clothing. 

He looked good. 

_ Stop, _ Sokka ordered himself. 

Zuko lifted an eyebrow.   
  
He didn't have to talk. 

Sokka already knew. "I'm still not happy about all this, okay? But," he took a deep breath. "But... thank you. I know this was something she needed."

"I didn't do it just for her," Zuko muttered. 

Sokka could feel heat boiling under his ribs. "Oh?"

"I've been thinking about what you said before," Zuko said. "Flying across the ocean tends to give you the time."

"What did I say?"

"How we… we were partners on the boiling rock. You don't throw teamwork like that away. So, I, I'd like to be friends, if that's possible."

Sokka grinned, unsure what was tearing inside him. He wanted to be friends. "Yeah," he gripped Zuko's hand. 

And Zuko, exhausted and worn as he was, managed a small smile. 

Returning it Sokka found himself calming down. He liked that smile. 

But Katara had been wrong, about one thing. She hadn't been the first person he'd opened himself up to in that crystal cave. There was a willow tree in the lower earth kingdom, where he'd let himself be who he was for the first time in his life. 

And now, with the fear of rejection starting to fade in wake of earning Katara's trust, he could start letting those walls down again. 

Even if it was only in this small way. Zuko belonged to his Alpha. 

**Author's Note:**

> Yaaaaay, mooooore. :D
> 
> Seriously. I love writing this series and the dynamics between this paring. I've got another series planned after this one is over. (Of which is it not even close yet. I've got two more chapters of this, one more, and possibly an epilogue? Unsure)
> 
> In any case, I love comments very very much, no matter the size or content. I also love replying to them, so please feel free to share thoughts and wishes for things going forward!


End file.
